#floodlife

Oh hey, didn't see ya there. Sup? Not a lot? Cool. Me neither. Apart from the fact that I am currently housebound. Apart from the fact that my entire garden and road is engulfed with water. Apart from the fact I've spent the day training my dog to piss off the balcony into the water so it doesn't have to swim to dry land every time it needs to empty its bladder. Pretty casual.

Fear not! We are safe. I am safe. Everything in the house is safe. Various garden "accessories" are not so safe. We've lost a set of outdoor table and chairs. We've lost various other random shit that was lying around in the garden. BUT WE HAVE NOT LOST OUR FIGHT. Mainly because we've never had any fight, but nonetheless. The flood has stopped bothering us now. It's chest deep in some places on the walk from our house to the train station, where the car is parked. We look very fetching in our waders. What is normally a ten minute walk has increased to a forty minute stroll. But whatever, YOLO, bring it, swag. All that stuff.

The most annoying thing about the floods, are the people who aren't in the flood. This is through no fault of their own. I went into work the other day and expressed the difficulty I faced in actually getting into work because "my house is flooded". "OMG!!!" They exclaim, "HOW!! OMG!" No, we're used to it, we live by the river. "OMG IS ALL YOUR STUFF RUINED!?!" No, our house is built on stilts, it's not in the house. "OMG THAT'S SO BAD OMG SO D4NG3R000U555SSSsssS5" No, not really, we know the route to the station, we know which bits have a stronger current running through it than others. It's fine.

Another annoyance is the fact that, being stuck in the house for the most part, really shows up how unproductive I am being. There are hundreds of things I could be doing. My room is a tip - perfect excuse to tidy it! Nope. I have hundreds of thank you notes to write - perfect excuse to sit down and get them all done! Nope. I must find a driving school - perfect excuse to sit and google them all! Nope. Instead, I can tell you the entire television schedule of a weekday. My favoured routine is This Morning, into half an hour of Loose Women, onto a double bill of How I Met Your Mother followed by another double bill, this time of Big Bang Theory. Swap over to Comedy Central and hello there double Friends! This fills up my day until 4pm. By then, I begin to wonder what I should have for dinner. After dinner, we have the evening television to watch. Big Brother is my favourite tipple. It's goddamn awful, but I can totally relate to feeling trapped in a tiny house with people you want to escape. OHHH!


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